Social media drives me potty. The amount of points scoring that goes on from parents is ridiculous. Points scoring complete with double standards, that is. Here’s my pick of some recent bollocks I’ve read.
“My child has never eaten a jar or pouch”
Bully for you, Earth Mama. The statement isn’t written simply as a fact. It’s written with an undercurrent of negativity towards parents who use the baby version of microwave meals. I don’t post on Facebook “I have never eaten pig’s arse” so why would I tell my friends/followers/fans that my child has never eaten squeezy mush? Who gives a shit what your child eats anyway? For the record, my kid’s nearly two and you know what, sometimes I don’t have time to arse about with a chainsaw trying to chop butternut squash so I give him a jar of baby food. So report me to social services.
“I don’t work because I don’t want to pay someone else to bring up my child”
I am absolutely devastated that I missed the boat with marrying David Beckham. Instead I ended up with some working class bloke who is paid an average wage (for up North). It might be unusual but I earn more than him (though I also only earn an average wage). We can’t afford to live off one wage. So, our child goes to nursery. I didn’t realise this was akin to giving him up for adoption. As far as I was aware we would still bring him up. In fact, last time I asked him, “Where’s Mummy?” he pointed to me. He points to a Bolton Wanderers badge, says “Bolton” and then does the White Army finger point. I can assure you these skills have not come from a nursery nurse. Believe me, if I didn’t have to work I wouldn’t. I’d go so far as to say I’m a little jealous of Mums who have the luxury of spending all their time with their children. I’ve cried as I’ve said goodbye to my son in a morning before leaving for work. So don’t make me feel even more inferior for having to use childcare. Especially not in the same breath as you say, “Just because I’m a stay at home Mum, it doesn’t make me lazy or a scruff”. Just because I go to work doesn’t mean I wouldn’t rather be at home.
“Acting like you’re Mum Of The Year on Facebook, when you get pissed every Saturday night”
Friday, actually. Most Fridays I go out. Without my child. Sometimes I drink alcohol. Oddly enough, I find spending my time in this way more entertaining than listening to my fast asleep child breathing down a baby monitor. Some people like listening to their baby monitors, and that’s great, but why slag someone off who doesn’t? I haven’t left my kid in some Portuguese apartment on their own. He is still being looked after by a responsible adult. Sometimes I go to the football the next day and therefore don’t see him for over 24 hours. How he’s not in care I’ll never know. I’m Joanne and being Jack’s Mum is now part of my life but it isn’t my whole identity. Later this month I’m going abroad on a hen do for two nights. With other Mums. Other good Mums, who aren’t scrubbers and love their children very much. But they can spin more plates than just the Mum one. If you choose to be a home bird and stay in when the kids are in bed, that’s great. But it’s also great if you choose to socialise, or pursue a hobby, when your kids are in bed.
It doesn’t matter whether you breast or bottle feed as long as they’re fed, co-sleep or put your baby in their own room after two months as long as they sleep, send your child to school or home teach as long as they learn, work or stay at home as long as they’re looked after. Every child and parent is different, let’s stop judging one another.