Feeding Problems

I’d intended to breastfeed my baby but I did buy a set of standard Tommee Tippee bottles as well, just in case. That way, I thought I wouldn’t get stressed out with breastfeeding as I had a back up. When I was finally allowed to hold Jack he did start moving to breastfeed. The midwife said, “He’s going to be a top breastfeeder this one, watch him latch on in a second”. So I waited a second or a thousand and he hadn’t latched on. I was reassured that he would and it wasn’t a problem that he hadn’t fed.

When you’ve had a Caesarean you get put on a post-natal ward with other mums who have also had a section. You have a buzzer so that you can call a healthcare assistant if your baby needs picking up etc as it’s impossible to do this after you’ve just had the operation. So in the night I buzzed for them to pick him up for me so I could try feeding again. They show you different positions and help the baby to get latched on. They also torture you when the baby won’t latch on by grabbing your boob and forcing it in the baby’s mouth. They then claimed he was latched on. But I couldn’t feel anything. People had told me breastfeeding hurts so I just assumed I was lucky and it wasn’t going to hurt me. But he didn’t seem to be sucking. I pressed that buzzer so many times I felt that they were getting annoyed with me so I started to get a bit stressed.

In the morning I had a visit from a breastfeeding specialist. I raised my concerns and she showed me how to hand express into syringes which could be stored and given to him later. I wasn’t very good at that either. By this point it became clear that my baby was the only one in the hospital screaming constantly. Add that to the fact I just couldn’t get the hang of feeding him easily and I was getting really stressed. I mentioned a few times that I might just formula feed instead and the midwives and healthcare assistants were horrified. I was under pressure to crack this breastfeeding.  By the last night I was in hospital, I was on the verge of a breakdown. My baby kept everyone awake with his screaming, I was being mauled with by people trying to ‘help’ me feed and I felt so useless. So I buzzed a healthcare assistant and burst into tears, begging for formula. She was a young girl, so probably not of the old-fashioned ‘breast is best’ mould and she told me to get some rest, she’d feed Jack and put him to bed. I was so grateful when my baby returned asleep and stayed that way until morning. I could have kissed her.

I decided to have another go at breastfeeding when I got home. That night was hell. Jack screamed constantly, I cried all night and me and my partner rowed like buggery through the stress. In the morning I got a phone call from the Infant Feeding Team at Whiston. I broke down in tears again and she invited me down straight away. This lady was a volunteer (or maybe she got paid, either way she was a Joe Bloggs civilian with breastfeeding experience, she wasn’t a healthcare professional). She took one look at Jack and told me my baby would never be able to breastfeed as he had a severe tongue tie. This is where there’s a flap of skin towards the front of the tongue, attaching it to the gum so the baby can’t lift it and therefore can’t latch on properly. Hours of stress and crying, feeling like a failure, numerous breastfeeding experts, healthcare assistants, midwives and even a paediatrician who was specifically checking for tongue tie, and nobody had realised.

I experienced a mixture of emotions. Relief that it wasn’t me that was useless, but mostly anger that all these people who were meant to help my baby, had let him starve for three days. He wouldn’t have been able to get any milk, so that formula feed on the third night was the first meal he’d had.

I’m so grateful to that lady, and also to one of my fiance’s family members who showed me how to express using a pump so I could still breastfeed. She’d text every day with encouragement too and I was so relieved I could still give my baby breast milk. I’ll never be able to thank Paula enough for that encouragement as expressing is quite tough, you have to do it regularly so the supply doesn’t dry up, and Paula’s texts kept me going.

Eventually I couldn’t keep up with the demands of expressing and I moved on to formula. Jack had his tongue tie snipped so he’s able to move it freely now and hopefully his speech won’t be affected. All was well in the feeding world, or so I thought…until the next blog post!

If you’re struggling to breastfeed and it’s getting you down, please try expressing. You’re no use to your baby when you’re stressed out and you’ve got a hundred other things to stress about, don’t let feeding be one of them.